Kitchen Shenanigans
by Pyrrhical
Summary: "It was ridiculous really. They could defeat Nazi scientists, brainwashed best friends who were super soldiers, and an army of aliens, but they didn't know how to cook?" In which Wanda cooks dinner for the rest of the Avengers and Vision helps.


"Chinese?" Tony asked the rest of the Avengers who were scattered around the living area in their various lounging positions.

Rhodey almost turned green at the suggestion. "If I have to eat another spring roll, I'm going to roll over dead. No Chinese."

"Mexican?" Tony suggested next.

"Nah." Sam cut in this time. "I ate their 'new' burrito and I was in the washroom for hours. What about that new place that opened a few blocks down? I could go for Italian."

"You want Italian, why don't you finish the slices of leftover pizza." Natasha said, throwing a random pizza box at him.

"We could always get burgers."

A chorus of groans greeted Steve's idea.

They had been deciding what to eat for dinner for the last hour. It was an unsuccessful meeting. It was absurd that they spent more time on this decision then they did reviewing tactics and plans. They just couldn't reach a mutual decision.

"I suggest eating something new to reach an agreement that will satisfy everyone's appetite." the android helpfully suggested. It only had one flaw though. "However that would be quite difficult considering we eat take out nearly every single meal."

"We could eat something homemade," Wanda proposed, but unlike Steve's idea, her idea was met with laughter. Everyone laughed other than Vision that is.

"She thinks we can actually _cook_." Sam managed to choke out between laughs. "The closest I've been to cooking is watching the food channel."

"None of you can cook?" Wanda asked, genuinely surprised. A group of grown adults and not a single one of them knew how to cook?

"According to the knowledge I have from reading their files, none of them has listed cooking as hobbies or skills. There is also no prior evidence to suggest that any of them have knowledge on cooking."

It was ridiculous really. They could defeat Nazi scientists, brainwashed best friends who were super soldiers, and an army of aliens, but they didn't know how to cook?

"I'm rich." Tony countered. "I have people who do that for me."

"And the army doesn't exactly give you teaching lessons." Rhodey continued.

"You know how to cook Wanda?" Vision asked.

"Apparently I am the only one."

Tony clapped his hands together. "It's settled them. Wanda will cook tonight's dinner."

"What? I would have to prepare a feast. You guys eat like pigs-"

"Wonderful. A feast cooked by Wanda, and Vision will help you with whatever you need. Meeting over, see you guys tonight." The Stark Industry billionaire left before another protest could be heard, heading straight for the garage to no doubt tinker on a new gadget.

"I'm in."

"Me too."

Wanda wasn't believing this, looking from Sam to Rhodey. She turned to Steve and Natasha for support, but the captain only shrugged.

"A home cooked meal sounds nice." Natasha added in.

Wanda gave up and accepted that she was stuck with cooking duty. She threw her hands up in exasperation and left for the kitchen with a sigh.

This was going to be a long day.

* * *

Her first problem was that they had no food. Aside from takeout leftovers, a carton of orange juice, and a jar of mayonnaise, there was nothing else in the kitchen fridge. Well now it made sense. Considering none of the Avengers knew how to cook, of course there would be nothing to cook.

Groceries. That was what they needed first. As she made a grocery list, she could feel another presence enter the kitchen.

Vision was light on his feet as always. He practically hovered into the kitchen and stood like a soldier awaiting commands. "Mr. Stark has ordered me to aid you in preparing dinner. How may I be of service?"

"Vision you don't have to." she said dismissing him, not bothering to take her eyes off her grocery list. "I can do it on my own."

She didn't want to drag someone else into this and he probably had better things to do anyways, like questioning the existence of life.

"I am sure you are perfectly capable of completing this task alone, but I do wish to help."

She looked at him for the first time since he entered the kitchen, considering his offer. "Alright," she said. Wanda doubted the android would take 'no' for an answer and if she was honest, a little help couldn't hurt. "We need to go to the nearest supermarket and buy some foo-"

"Actually _we_ do not."

"We don't?" she asked surprised.

He held out his hand to her. She raised an eyebrow at him but took his hand. Before she knew it, they were phasing through the building floors. She was thankful that there were no washrooms situated under the kitchen, because it would have been very awkward...

They stopped in what looked like a storeroom that was stocked full of food. It was like a miniature food market. Fruits, vegetables, spices, meat.

"I have already gone and bought a variety of food. This room is designed specifically to store foods and preserve them so they last much longer. Hopefully it will suffice for what you are cooking."

"There is enough to feed a village in here."

"Most geographers define a village as approximately five hundred people to two thousand five hundred people. There is only enough food in here to feed approximately 100 people."

Wanda laugh, a sound that Vision found very enjoyable.

* * *

Another thing that Vision found pleasant was Wanda's humming. She hummed a lot when she cooked. She hummed as she stirred the stew or chopped the vegetables. Whatever action she was doing often provided a beat or bass to the song.

Very pleasant indeed.

But all too soon it was over. As the last garnish was added to the plates, Wanda let out a laugh of victory. She admired her and Vision's handiwork.

Remarkable.

Vision had to admit the food looked very appetizing according to the standards of food appearance. Each plate looked very much liked the modeled images of food found online. Wanda was indeed a foodie.

Before long the smell had wafted through the building and one by one the Avengers assembled around the dinner table.

"This actually looks pretty decent." Natasha said.

Sam took a big whiff of his plate, adding in, "And smells good."

"Just in case this all tastes terrible," Tony being as blunt as ever, "We can always order pizza."

Wanda rolled her eyes. "When I was cooking this I was tempted to sprinkle a bucket of poison in it." She let out a dramatic sigh. "Maybe next time."

They dug into their meal, and they were all mildly surprised at how it tasted. It smelled and looked good, but it tasted delicious. Like heaven in their mouths.

"Not bad, not bad at all." Rhodey said hypnotized by the taste.

Vision tasted his dish. Although his tongue and taste buds were synthetic, the nerve signals sent to his brain placed the taste between the definitions of scrumptious and delectable.

"Wanda I would like to hire you as my personal chef. You will be paid more than all the avengers, excluding myself, combined," Tony announced as he shoved the food in his mouth, then he brought a hand up to his mouth as if to whisper a secret. Which probably would have worked if they were sitting side by side and not across the table from one another. "Not that they are paid much anyways."

"You wish Stark." Steve answered for her. "As if we are going to let you snatch her up like that. If you want to eat her cooking, you will just have to actually stick around here instead of ditching dinner meetings for parties."

"You say that like I'm going to actually do this again." Wanda joked.

"We are expecting it, but maybe next time we could go with something less red." Sam gestured at their plates. "We are going to have to start calling you the _Scarlet Chef_ or something."

She blinked and looked at each of their dishes. They all varied from crimson to maroon, but a shade of red nonetheless. Red curry, tomatoes, salsa, even their drinks were red.

She smiled sadly.

Pietro never helped her with cooking, leaving her to deal with the matter of whether they ate something warm and healthy or just junk food. To get back at him, she had always cooked dishes of food that were red since it was her favourite colour. It annoyed her brother to no end, but it became tradition. It became her specialty.

She guess that without knowing it, the Avengers became family.

"Next time when you cook, you can decide the colour." She retorted.

"I think that is a wonderful idea, once a week one of us cooks dinner for everyone. Next week can be Sam."

"What!? Rhodes how could you do this to me?"

But no one heard his protests as a murmurs of agreement drowned him out. They were all just happy it was someone else who had to do it.

* * *

Despite his continuous protests and pleas for help, Sam did indeed cook dinner once the following week.

Wanda and Vision had been watching TV on the couch when Sam trudged into the kitchen with a bucket of canola oil in one hand, while his other hand carried bags of frozen foods. He was muttering under his breath to himself, but Vision and Wanda managed to hear something along the lines of "it will knock their ugly socks off".

That very night the Avengers met once again at the dinner table.

"I wonder what Sam is cooking," Steve said.

Wanda and Vision shared a knowing look.

Not long after Steve had asked his question, Sam came out of the kitchen with plates of french fries, chicken nuggets and fish sticks. Then he brought out various condiments and a plate of what looked like frozen vegetables that were deep fried, in case any of them wanted the "healthy" option.

Sam stood over them and made the dramatic gesture of kissing his fingers like a French chef.

"Bon appétit you assholes."

* * *

By the end of the night, everyone agreed that it would be best to leave the cooking to Wanda since they weren't too fond of food poisoning. Once a week, all the Avengers would eat a home cooked meal cooked by her instead of takeout or junk food.

Wanda had to admit those were her favourite nights. When they were all together like a family.

And she might have been responsible for cooking, but Vision always found his way into the kitchen to help her.


End file.
